The Beginning: Depths of Love.


Good Evening,

 I had hope that my break form my blog would be longer than this. However, I feel a pull to start this next set of blogs a lot sooner than I anticipated. 

 Let me first begin by explaining the premise around this blog, now. For those who have followed me from the beginning - this blog has seen many faces. First - my life in solitude when I ran away to Texas. Second - My growth in spirituality into Orthodoxy. And now - there is, yet a new face to my blog. It is one that is most personal and fairytale like/ hopeless romantic. 

 I hope you all have fun with this one. 

 Background:

There is no question to the depths in which I fall in love. I am irrational and very much a fool when it does happen. On a psychological level it probably stems from my need for acceptance and constant self evaluation. I can honestly say that I've only truly been in love twice in my life and that does not include my 3.5 year relationship which is rather unfortunate to admit.

Anyway, the last year I wrote stories and poems about love and my story with the Black Knight. (There were over 200 entries) You can say my love for him help to stir up emotions and words that I never knew possible. He was my muse for many things. 

Moving forward, for those who don't know, I have 3 instagram accounts. One is my main account where I share everything to everyone, another is my cooking adventures, and the last is my very private account where I am creative and free. On the latter account is where I write poems, sing, and share my deepest thoughts to only 3 (now 2 people).

Initially, when I started writing I was not talking to the Black Knight. We were on 'let's ignore/ stalk each other through social media terms.' Knowing that this was my only voice, I began to write. Bear in mind I was confined to a small square each post and I had to be careful of my word choice to express myself but do a concise job.

So this is our story through my eyes. Through his eyes it is most likely horrible and I was probably the worst thing to happen to mankind. Yea...if we are meant to talk, again. It's not happening anytime soon. And definitely not on my behalf because I am STUBBORN! But God always manages to bring about weird and uncomfortable situations. So who knows?

Nevertheless, I wanted to share the things I wrote during this time period in my life. I don't want to end up like Emily Dickinson where all her writing was found in a box after her death.

 Also, I will explain the meaning behind my writing as we go along. A lot of these post will not be linked to Facebook...it keeps the mystic alive. And lastly, if I get the courage...there will be a great reveal in the end. 
Here's how the story begins:

'Once upon a time there was a Black Knight who rode on a white stead.
 The Black Knight was on a constant search for his White Queen. 
His journey lead him through many lands each with its own beautiful princess.
 But not one was worthy of such a title.

Devastated and broken he retreated. 
Years go by and he accepts that his queen does not exist.

 She was a fairytale in his wild imagination.

Then one day, there was a knock at his door by a most disagreeable maiden. 
She was anything but ladylike. However, it struck a cord deep within.'

Notes: When I met the Black Knight - I remember seeing his eyes and smile as he did this weird twirl. The only thought in my mind was 'Shit! I'm screwed! REALLY?!?!' I never told him that. It was October 15, 2012.  



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