Letters from the White Queen

"Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity." 1 Timothy 4:12 On these pages and through these words, I come off as super religious/ spiritual. However, when I open my mouth to my peers I fall short to both ends of the spectrum: the religious and non religious individual. Why is that? I spent a lot of weeks thinking about this. Is it fear of rejection that holds me back from my true self? Or do I still not know enough about God to call myself religious? The answer to the last two questions is 'yes to both.' I am scared to stand proudly, fearless and alone in my faith. And yes, I feel inadequate in my knowledge of God. But do we ever truly know him? The highest ranking members of the church could not even say that they completely know him. Because the mysteries of his love and grace exceed our humanistic frailties. To my religious peers, I don...

Last Saturday when I met up with Abouna to discuss my walk with God, he mentioned the three types of people who attend church on Sunday. * First is the one who comes out of obligation/ they are forced to. Most of the time these are children who are forced to digest religion. Often times these children will grow away from the church at some point and a selected few will return as adults when they get married and have children of their own. * Second is the one who goes to church just because this is what they are trained to do and it is something to do on Sunday. These are usually the adults who go to church services the last 30 min and can be found constantly on the phones. They do not feel God because they don't invite the Holy Spirit into their lives other than Sunday. * Third is the one who is vigilant and gives each day to God so long services on Sunday is not considered a hassle but a necessity. In summary, he was trying to tell me that just because you're in ch...

Geeze that's a mouthful! But this is the path I am going apparently. I got the okay from Abouna last night as he handed me four more books to read. Lol. I'm still in shock over all of this. I am truly at a lost for words. That is all for now...you would think words would spill out of my soul but, no, I am still digesting all of this.  Many Blessings. Linda

I thought by the end of this little venture with magic, I would come to some crazy conclusion other than IT JUST IS. God is amazing. End of story! Lol. Honestly, I never truly have an idea of where God will place my heart until I put my words on paper. As you can tell I am a VERY restless soul. I think that's it! My restlessness and inability to just be complacent in the knowledge that I have about God helps me to see magic. My search to better understand him is no longer an end goal but a journey on an unpaved road. I used to think that if I followed a certain path in my life, I would win a prize. More specifically, I would be happily married by now.  When I began my journey of looking into orthodox religion, I had no idea what and where I was going. I still have no clue, most of the time I am very scared because I am going through this alone. But as the weeks have passed I know now more than ever that this is where God is pressing my heart. We don't always unde...

About a month ago during liturgy, Fr Kyrillos briefly touched on the fact that dramatic God moving miracles no longer happen in our western society because the devil fights God through our disbelief as a society that something greater exist. How accurate is that? We don't see great miracles unfold before our eyes as they did during the time of the apostles.  Why is that? Do miracle no longer exist? Does God no longer love his children enough to perform such miracles?  Of course the answer to the last question is NO. God's love has never changed and has never left us. We as Christians just don't realize His hand at work in our lives. Often we accredit miracles to our own abilities or luck. As Fr. Kyrillos said during the same sermon; we as a society are too self reliant and do not see that God's will is actually at play. A prime example of Christ and his ability to perform miracles is the story of 2 fish and 5 loaves of bread. Many know this story from Jo...

So as I stated before, we are going to let me run with the idea of magic AKA God's love and miracles. Where better to start than with love? The Bible has many passages about love. Love is broken into four different types: Eros , Storge , Philia , and Agape . Eros : The intimate type of love aka the romantic love. The best example of this is found in the Old Testament, Song of Solomon or Song of Songs. I've read excerpt of this book here and there, it is beautifully written. I will admit that there are part where the words come alive and makes me blush. For those not familiar with this book; the passage that I like the most and is often used at weddings is Song of Solomon 2: 10-13. Which reads: "My lover spoke and said to me, 'Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, and some with me. See! The winter is past; the rains are over and gone. Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come, the cooing of doves is heard in out land." ...

Hello Everyone. Hope you all are having a fabulous week. I am soo very thankful that it is almost over; just finished my finals and started my clinicals today. It was a 12 hour day with commute, but I'm sure I will get used to this exhausting schedule. Maybe. Anyways... I was thinking about this for a few weeks as I dove into religious Orthodox studies. I've been backing up my argument with the logistics of Orthodoxy and knowing the history of the Coptic faith but I have yet to show you, my readers, the magic of God. No, I'm not saying God is synonymous to pulling a rabbit out of a hat. I mean the miracles and love that He has bestowed upon us. That is what I mean by magic. God isn't a fairytale; he is a love story that moves each and every one of us on a daily basis. And HIS love creates the magic in all our lives. So, this is a little precursor to my next couple of posts. How does God move/ moved in my life? Side note: I am currently reading 'Becomin...

Hello Everyone, I've been absent on the blogging for the past week, but it wasn't due to the lack of thoughts running through my mind. Actually, my mind is more on fire than ever. It had to do with not knowing where or how to proceed with each train of thought. Because I am truly at a crossroads. Do I continue my journey through the Coptic Church or run back to my Evangelist background with the knowledge I've gained within the last few months? When I began my journey in the Coptic Church I knew there would be eyes on me and judgements passed and somehow I got it into my head that they would continue to look at me like an outsider. But as someone told me recently, 'people grow.' We all grow to familiarize ourselves with our surroundings and when that moments happens the walls fall down and God enters this realm. At this point, I have been attending St. Paul for a month and have slowly become more comfortable in my surroundings. Up until today, I've com...

Back to the history lesson. Where we left off was during the Byzantine Era when Coptic Christians were persecuted for their Non-Chaledon beliefs. ( Note: In present day, there is no longer a division between the Eastern and Oriental Orthodox) CO-EXISTENCE We are roughly around the 6th century.  During this time period, Egypt was conquered and re-conquered multiple times by the Persian Empire and Byzantine Empire.  Eventually, Byzantine gave up in its attempts to reconquer Egypt and the Persian Empire claimed the land. During this process, Islam was introduced to Egypt in 639 AD. Initially, there was great tolerance for the Coptic Christians under the Persian rule because the Coptics were native to the land. But gradually, as the centuries passed leaders began to heavily tax Coptics in comparison to their Muslim counterparts. Naturally, this forced a large number of conversion by merchants and the wealthy to Islam. By the end of the 12th Century, the once largely Chri...

Hello Everyone, Just thought I would take a break from my history lesson and write a more personal entry on being a Christian and being in my 20's...well late 20's. First off, I have to say that there aren't many voicing Christians in this age group. More specifically,  I mean young Christians thirsting for God beyond attending Sunday Service. (To be honest, some of them that do voice...I want to give them a high five in the face with a chair. lol.) At this point in our lives, many of my peers are still in the process of establishing themselves in their careers and finding their significant others. The partying till 3 in the morning and going to work the next day hungover has pretty much died out, though there are still a selected few. ;) We are no longer in dire search for social acceptance in all aspects of our lives; we have concluded that this is us. You take it or you leave it. You would think that this moment in our lives would be most opportune to search ...

Let me first start off by saying that Theology confuses me. I enjoy reading about it but my mind goes to mush because my science brain wants white & black. Theology, however, does not lend itself completely to a white & black answer. The Bible is ginormous! There is bound to be disputes over what God is telling us which makes total sense because there are a myriad of Christianity denominations worldwide. Okay...let's start. Where I left off was the beginning of the 4th Century when the BIG question arouse. What is God, Christ, and Holy Spirit in relation to one another? An Alexandrian presbyter named Arius proposed the idea that each were separate entities and that Christ was not on the same level as God. The exampled used to explain this argument was John 14: 28 which states "You heard me say, 'I am going away and I am coming back to you.' If you loved me, you would be glad that I am going to the Father, for the Father is greater than I." Readin...

Before I start, I just wanted to address the Coptic Calendar really quickly...technically, the year does not always start on September 11, like it did this year, but I was too lazy to go into depth last time....then I felt guilty for withholding information. Not that anyone was checking up on my facts. Lol. The start of the New Year depends on if the Gregorian Calendar is in a leap year. I'm done with the calendar at the moment, if you're still curious you can look it up yourself. Now, ready for a history lesson?!?! Cause I'm not. This is going to be interesting and long....so so very long if I do a thorough job. Since there is a lot of history to cover, I'm going to break it up into three section/ entries: Beginning (The Rise), Co-existence, and Modern Times. THE BEGINNING When we think of Ancient Egypt, the first thing that comes to mind to many are the pyramids, the sphinx, pharaohs and the Elizabeth Taylor movie titled "Cleopatra" or the Mumm...

On Sunday I went to check out a church by myself. As this play by play unfolds, I hope you laugh at my stupidity...even for just a moment. I arrived at the church 15 minutes early and was sitting in my car saying a silent prayer. The night before I had a night terror due to my nervousness over going to yet another Coptic Church. It is so easy to sit behind a glass screen and observe; it's a whole different animal having to take that leap and putting yourself in firing range.  During my prayer, my fears overcame me and I began to tear up. My thoughts were:   Even though I know I have the support of many, I am doing this alone and I'm doing this knowing that if the outcome is my conversion I will now cut out the majority of the population in terms of a potential spouse. The Coptic faith is very beautiful but it takes a really strong person to stand by these conviction as their own. I'm not even sure if I am strong enough to do this. The cultural barriers are hug...

Let me start off by saying that this entry is going to be a monster. I'm going to cover as much as I can before I, too, am overwhelmed. After all, one can not read a couple entires to digest a religion in its entirety. How am I going to do this? I'm going to break up terms/ themes/ practices into headers and hopefully this will all come together in some sense of semblance. *heavy sigh* HERE WE GO! CALENDAR The Coptic Calendar ( AKA: Alexandrian Calendar, which is named after the capital at the time when St. Mark brought Christianity to Egypt) is very different from the calendar you and I are both familiar with. In case you didn't know, we follow the Gregorian Calendar which was introduced by Pope Gregory XIII in 1582. The Coptic Calendar consists of 13 months with the year beginning on September 11 (Gregorian) or Thout 1 (Coptic). To be honest, its rather unfortunate the Coptic New Year shares the anniversary of 9-11 and that a majority of Coptics are of Egyptia...

When I was first looking into churches with English Liturgy near me; Google showed me 3 results. One in North LA, one in Torrance and one in South OC. Which left me with only 2 churches because Torrance was not an option. Next, I had to decide what weekend to make my visit. I didn't want to visit during a holiday weekend because I was/ am scared of this whole entire journey so the expected date was October 12; this weekend. However, God had other plans. Like he always does. It was the weekend of The Feast of the Cross (September 27-29) when I received a ton of text messages from friends just checking up on me. And I knew that was God's way of encouraging me to go. Before I go further, I'll explain The Feast of the Cross. It is a celebration of the Holy Cross being found underneath the rubbles of Golgotha by Queen Helen, mother of Roman Emperor, Constantine. Constantine, as you may know from history, was the first Roman Emperor to be a Christian. This is cel...

Through my research, I decided that I would check out Coptic Orthodox first. Coptic is the Greek word for Egyptian. Nah... To be honest, it was pure curiosity which started about a year ago when I looked into the meaning behind the wedding ceremony of Coptic Christians. Heck, my initial reactions were "Dang, there's a crown and they wear a robe???" But as I read further the beauty and symbolism behind the pomp and circumstance spoke to me. However, I told myself "No, your curiosity is because you're dating someone of this faith." And I left it at that for the longest time because I felt the integrity of my curiosity would be seen as someone who was purely infatuated with her dating prospects. (That whole dating subject and person matter is to be left in God's hands and will no longer be discussed on a public forum). In any case, I was still very curious several months down the road, so I began my online search for information about Coptic Christi...

When I first decided to tackle this idea in August, I had no idea where to begin. To be honest, I still have no idea where to begin and what is the most appropriate means of deciding a denomination. Don’t put it pass me to sit in the middle of the desert one of these days hoping to find God. I tend to do crazy things. At one point, I decided that I wanted to be Orthodox Jewish and I was CONVINCED! Before I started to really dive into my search of a denomination, I started from the beginning. There are three basic branches of Christianity. They are: Catholic, Orthodox and Protestant. Yes, I am well aware that there’s another branch called Restorantionists but that’s more recent in history and only dates back to the Second Awakening (early 1800s). I wanted to break things down to bare basics. If you really want to get down to it, here's a diagram of the major branches of Christianity. This is going to sound awful but straight off the bat, I crossed out Catholicism. Not...

Hello, EVERYONE! I know I closed this blog about a year ago and stated that the mysteries of my life online would begin. Alas, God has given me another chapter to open and so I make my return. This new chapter in my life has to do with religion; more specifically, which denomination I feel God is pulling me towards. This has been an ongoing battle since last Easter when I no longer felt God at my church, but has taken me months to reconcile with the idea. For the longest time, I thought I would stay an Evangelist until the time was appropriate for me to convert to my husband's religion. Totally makes sense, right? A lot of people do that. They convert for their spouses. However, in my heart I know I would not be able to do this even if I was madly in love with my husband because it would question the integrity of my faith. And as many of you may know; I've fought for my faith in more ways than one. In any case, I'm starting this blog up, again, to invite you all...