Empty.

How does one find the words for empty? I feel empty of emotions and feelings. As though all my struggles in relationships are for not. There are three who pull my heartstrings.

1) My Kryptonite: We are fire and fire when we are together. There is no way we could ever be together because we butt heads in the worst ways. However, there is a mental stimulation that exists nowhere else. I love him but he can't possibly be the one I meant to have ever after with. He knows me too well which can't be a good thing in the long run.

2) The Coward: Though he preaches that his ex whom he dated off and on for 8 years is the sole person who can understand him; I think he is very wrong. In fact, I think he is a coward and would rather stick to a known mediocrity connection because he always knows how she will hurt him. The truth is; someone like me is rather formidable. Yet, I love and care for him because I see a world of endless possibilities. Also, he just might be the closest thing I've found since my redhead all those years ago. (Note: I think of the redhead often and our last goodbye in the cold Minnesota winter. I'm sure he is truly happy with his wife but I think of him fondly when times get bleak.)

3) The Kid: He makes me laugh hours on end and can make any bad day into an amazing one. But like his nickname. He is the kid. Too young and not lived enough to ever want to be with someone as weathered as I am.

I'm soo very tired of being an empty shell.

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