Seeking Eros




Love. The word itself is so simple but is vague and can mean a multitude of things. The Greeks knew this and broke love down into 4 specific types.

 1) Storge—empathy bond. 
2) Philia—friend bond. 
3) Eros—erotic bond. 
4) Agape—unconditional "God" love.

 In a previous entry, I went into great detail about each type of love as they were seen from a Christian perspective. Today, I'm just writing an entry on Eros; well, my journey in looking for love.

 To be frank, I've always seemed to be seeking for another as though I am not complete as a person until I have found my soulmate. It has been ingrained in my every being since I was a child through society, movies, and social media. You are not and can not be enough until you have a husband and XYZ children. 

 What happens though when the idea of a perfect nuclear family is debunked and you're left with countless failed relationships? You're left with me sitting in a coffee shop wondering if there's a science or formula in having a good relationship or whether is it a cognitive awareness and acceptance we must reach before we can facilitate healthy relations. 

 The romantic love we experience with a significant other has been perplexing for a majority of my adult life. I was taught to make myself a good life partner by getting a 'good' career, knowing life skills such as cooking, cleaning, basic survival skills, and being an all around good human being. However, my success rate is rather low and though it is easy to say that its due to the fact that I have not met "Him," that's not the answer in its entirety. I am just as responsible for my rather spinster state. 

 In the words of my friend, Sasha, I am broken. I am the girl who is saccharine sweet, attentive/ tenacious, "perfect" (like Stepford wives status) but unwilling to go for the "nice" guy who has his shit together. I am the 'save a ho' type of person; it might stem from being the oldest or being in health care, I'm not sure at this point. I want to save people and fix problems that are not mine. It is not due to being blindsided by these red flags; trust me, I see them from a mile away.

 BUT why don't I go for the 'good' guy? Why do we seek the unattainable/ unavailable individuals? I'm not completely sure of the answer. I think it is because we are broken and feel that we undeserving of happiness, thus; we find another broken individual. Or if we continue to go down the rabbit hole of my psychosis, the truth is we are petrified of a good relationship that can be everlasting because that would mean that we must trust another human being. Trust that though we make mistakes; there is another individual who wants to go down the same road. 

 That's it! At least it is for right now as I continue my journey through life. I must learn to love myself enough to know that I am deserving of a healthy relationship and to trust another with something precious as my heart. 

 As my friend, Drew puts it "Don't pull a Linda. Be a Linda." I am a spaz who must accept that I am a spaz worth dating. 





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