What does it mean to be religious?


"Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity."
1 Timothy 4:12

On these pages and through these words, I come off as super religious/ spiritual. However, when I open my mouth to my peers I fall short to both ends of the spectrum: the religious and non religious individual.

Why is that? I spent a lot of weeks thinking about this. Is it fear of rejection that holds me back from my true self? Or do I still not know enough about God to call myself religious?

The answer to the last two questions is 'yes to both.' I am scared to stand proudly, fearless and alone in my faith. And yes, I feel inadequate in my knowledge of God. But do we ever truly know him? The highest ranking members of the church could not even say that they completely know him. Because the mysteries of his love and grace exceed our humanistic frailties.

To my religious peers, I don't feel good enough to be considered their equals because my faith is so new despite it being pure. I don't have those years that solidify me. I feel like a leaf in the wind. I hold no ground. So when situations arise, I hold back what is true in my heart. I guess I give seniority to those who are ahead of me. Because their faith is stronger and better than mine, right?

But that's wrong. We may know all the rituals and rules that abide to a religion but until we invite the Holy Spirit into our lives; it is just a chore much like doing laundry. Faith that does not move is not one that bear fruit for the Kingdom of God.

In the past weeks I've held back a lot about my journey through the Orthodox faith because I did not want to ruffle any feathers. (There is a lot more that I am going through internally that I wish to not share) The reasoning behind this is my core belief on religion. This belief is that religion is hard to maintain on its own in our modern day society, who am I to break the lines and call one denomination better than the other? They are not. Each church, each denomination has its faults. We are imperfect in our interpretation of the WORD, but the movement of our faith allows for growth which supersedes all else.

I know there is much growth needed within in me to be able to stand tall in my faith. Fear is a powerful emotion but bravery triumphs over all.

I guess I still don't know what it means to be religious. All I know is that I don't know. However, my journey is far from over.

Until we meet again.

Many Blessings.
Linda

P.S. I'm still on my fast. It was very eager of me to try the whole 40 days.


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